Dear Captain Long

Dear Captain Long,

You are quite a well-spoken individual. Thank you for approaching me in the manner that you did. If you were to have any other way, I would have probably just deleted your e-mail immediately.

Ba'qubah? I've never been. Do they have donairs there? They're quite similar to the Arabic shawarma or Greek gyro, but with a Canadian twist. If you do find a donair place there, please let me know how it is.

Wow! That sure is a big number. With that kind of money, you could probably eat donairs for the rest of your life! Unless you got married of course. Then you would have to consider your wife's tastes. She might not like donairs.

I am honoured and quite surprised that you want me to help you receive this sum, seeing as I have no experience in handling business relating to crude oil. I deducted that you must have been sitting in your canvas tent in Ba'qubah when the short Halloween radio drama two other peers and I produced, came on your radio, which was coincidentally tuned in to KICK-FM, my college's radio station. You were so impressed with the quality of radio drama, that you immediately stood up from your seat and announced, "I've finally found the man who will help us recieve this sum of money that we made off a crude oil deal!"

Alas, though I am extremely interested, I am a full-time student and am not able to assist you at this time. I'm sorry to hear you cannot "keep this funds", because you are there on "Official capacity". I wish you the best and hope that things go smoothly there.

Respectfully yours,
Mike Choi

PS. This is what I imagine you look like:



You will remain in my prayers and dreams.